"As I've come to see the weaker side of me,
I realize His grace is what I'll need.
When sin demanded justice for my soul,
mercy said no!" -Cece Winans.

I've had that part of the song "Mercy" for sometime now, thinking of exactly how I'm going to write this. I'm just going to type it as it comes.

I am not worthy. I'm not worthy of His love for me but He keeps loving me mercilessly. Bombarding me with His almighty faithfulness yet I'm all the opposite.

I believe that I just might be one of the very few that God just can't let go. See,  I've strayed, a million times, for hours, for days, weeks,months and years but each time I back-slided, God turns me around in a heartbeat..

There was once a time I couldn't do without praying at least once a day or at least converse with God in a day but that minute came when everything went crashing down, fast. It was just a man-made hurt and you would think for someone that was deeply rooted in Christ, I wouldn't crash that fast but I was wrong. I can't even really describe the hurt but it was huge and I found it hard to pray "the next day" and once again, one missed day turned into a year. Surprised? Yes I didn't converse with God for over a year, didn't read my bible except for Sundays, in church. I was mad, very mad at Him.

The only prayers I muted were "Thank you" and you know what, those thank you's were what eventually brought me back. They reminded me of how his faithfulness to me had remained all through my grief. The thank you's reminded me that even though as I was grieving, God still showed through all my difficulties. I was living, even in bad health, he healed me, exam periods went well.. He did everything and more without me asking for anything.

Looking back, I can say I've seen the weakest side of me this past year and one thing is for sure, I'm not worthy of His grace but His grace kept me through my storm. May His grace keep you through your storm.